Embracing Rejection and Finding Inner Joy
This year has been a whirlwind. It feels like everything has changed for the better since January 2019. And hey, I'm back from an accidental and unplanned hiatus! I missed you.
I dislike saying "it's been a whirlwind" because it sends the message that I haven't had time to appreciate each and every beautiful blessing that came my way this year. That's not the case. I'm so appreciative of every minute of my whirlwind. The holidays have been just the breather, or what I like to call "a giant deep breath", I needed. It's so good to be back. I'm ready for 2020.
I started the year unemployed and heartbroken. I'm ending the year doing so many of the things I love, and filled with so much love.
I did the work. I'm doing the work. I said "yes" when it felt right. I said "no" when it felt right. I set boundaries. I have built and am building deep connections with people I strive to be more like. I have decreased the toxic relationships and patterns that fulfill my childhood traumas. When some of those toxic relationships come back up, I have an inner voice that immediately shows up to support me. This voice reminds me that I only have control over myself, my words, and my actions/reactions. It brings me inner peace in order to not allow the toxicity to come into my orbit. It doesn't work every time, but the success rate is very high. My fellow empaths will especially understand this battle.
I work in Leadership and Organizational Development for an incredible company and with people I admire and adore. I am a Crucial Conversations facilitator. I am a yoga teacher. I am a writer. I have a community I deeply care for. I love myself. I am happy. I am doing what I love. I couldn't say most of the above in 2018, or 2017. The most beautiful part is that, because I've only just now found internal happiness, the journey has just begun.
There's a lot that went into that. It has been a year of progress and steps forward. Increased confidence and self-esteem. I believe in myself more than ever. I don't view failure and rejection through the same lens. I know what I want and am not afraid to ask for it. Most of the time.
At this point, you're probably annoyed. No one really wants to read about how happy or accomplished someone else is feeling. You want to hear HOW to accomplish this for yourself. I can only share what has worked tremendously for me and let you take your pick. I hope that will inspire you to find what works best for you to lean into your fear, lean into the pain of rejection, and seek your own inner joy and peace.
1) When fear comes up, face it.
I address it. I name it and ask myself, why am I afraid? What is coming up for me right now? Is it a past experience dictating a new one?
2) Lean into your toolbox.
Below are tools I've cobbled together over the years. on how to find happiness within instead of seeking it from other people or things. What really brings you joy? Here are a few of mine:
- Yoga/Sweat sesh: Yoga allows me to take a giant deep breath while sweating it out and letting go. I also love hopping on a bike. My apartment remodeled our gym and it's incredible. We have all the things, including 2 Peloton's and a yoga studio! I've found an instructor I LOVE on Peloton (shout out to Ally Love).
- Writing/Journaling: Putting pen to paper helps get me out of my own way. If I release my thoughts on paper I can come up with a brilliant solution or idea that serves myself or those I care about. Other thoughts I realize quickly are silly and a waste of my energy. Had I not taken a few moments to write down my thoughts and process, I would have stayed stuck. The thought(s) would keep coming back up until I dealt with it head on.
- Cooking/Making something/Coloring: When I cook, I get to physically make something (hopefully) yummy. It reminds me that I'm not just a machine producing results for others. I can take care of myself and enjoy something as simple as a healthy meal to fuel my body. There's so much beauty in the small things we do each day. I also like to paint and color. Making room for therapeutic creativity allows for my natural flow state to kick in and I relax. Coloring is proof that everyone is and can be creative. This becomes another release for me like writing or working out.
- Reading/Watching Netflix: I put these two together for a specific purposes. They both allow me to enter into another universe not my own, an immersive experience in a way, even if I'm just watching Friends. This also gets me out of my head and way. It gives me perspective. I get to step out of my own reality, and live in another world. I come back to my world rejuvenated and sometimes inspired.
- Reaching out to my community: When I reach out to those that know me best, I also get perspective. They love on me in the best ways - through the good times and the bad. When we remember we aren't alone in this thing we call life it makes all the difference. Allow your loved ones in. Support and love fill the heart and recharge my soul.
3) Take chances.
I learned how to really lean into my pain and get resourceful so I could dig myself out of the dark hole it felt like I had been in for the past couple of years. If you choose to suppress your pain, run away, or not deal with it at all it tends to follow you. It will try to bring you down over and over again. I know that's way easier said than done - believe me, I know. Baby steps, 1 small chance at a time. I'd rather die knowing I tried than sitting in the back seat of my own life with a million security blankets wondering, "what if?".
4) Lean into independence.
I'm naturally independent, but when I chose to lean into it specifically to find boundaries that support my mental and emotional health in relationships and responsibilities/commitments I was able to find so much joy and peace within myself. Setting boundaries can feel incredibly uncomfortable at first, but it's also beautiful because you end up getting exactly what you asked for. I learned to ask for what I know is best for me. Ultimately, I always love and support the wonderful humans in my life, but no one knows how to better care for me than me. If I don't ask for it, no one will. I see a boundary as information. If I don't have the information about the other person or don't share the information about myself, it can often lead to codependent behaviors that I know aren't healthy for me or potentially the other person involved. Boundaries create healthy relationships. I feel more connected to others when I show them my true self and ask for what I need. When I see others practicing the same behaviors, I'm supportive of them because how incredible is it that they know themselves well enough to be able to ask and love themselves enough to speak up for it. I could speak on this topic for hours, so I'd love to hear from you if you have thoughts and questions on this one!
I hope you took even just 1 little nugget away from this. I hope as you reflect on 2019, no matter what kind of year it was for you, that you can see the joy and growth ahead of you in 2020 and every year to come! Please reach out with any of your thoughts or questions that came up for you. I love these conversations. It feeds my soul to share with you. Happy Holidays!
AND don't forget, my wonderful Introvert Uncensored friends, it's World Introvert Day on January 2nd. I started my blog one year ago! Happy 1 Year Anniversary to Introvert Uncensored!
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